My first memory with tarot is my mom sitting cross-legged on her bedroom floor with a black cloth with the Celtic Cross spread printed on it covered in traditional Rider-Waite tarot cards when I was about five years old. I thought it was mystical and cool, and she naturally shooed me away so she could focus. That was that.
Fast forward about five years and I was asking her if I could borrow her deck. I played with it and read for my other 10-year-old friends. We all oooohed and awwdd over the mysticism of the cards. I was doing a simple three card past-present-future spread. It was fun. And eventually I gave the cards back. Then later, at around 15, I asked my mom yet again if I could borrow her deck. I was playing around with tarot and Wicca and mysticism. Just exploring, but just like always, I read from the little white book and never committed to a real practice. When I moved out, I gave my mom her deck back one last time and got my own–my own Rider-Waite deck.
Now, I want to finally learn the cards. I don’t want to memorize them, I want to learn them, feel them. For me, tarot is a way to connect with the energy of the universe and to understand myself and my path. I don’t believe it can perfectly predict my future, but I think they can help guide me. But in order to do that, I need to connect with the cards on an intuitive level–I need to feel meanings, not just read them in a book. I think my biggest problem is that I’ve relied heavily on reading books for reference and am afraid of reading the cards wrong. I want to be right, but being right isn’t easy, and it isn’t guaranteed. But I need to overcome that and let myself be wrong–or realize that there isn’t necessarily one right.
Image Credit to: EmilyBalivet on Etsy